Learning about others from the NLP frames

[colored_box variation=”silver”]I have learnt from these sections of the training that people all over the world are programmed by the society and environment where they live to hand over responsibility onto others. When I used to live in my country people tended to put all the blame on a corrupt government and incompetent decision makers for their state and living conditions. Although there is some part of truth in this construct and belief, another important truth seems to have been missed, is the fact that change can only be made by the individuals who are seeking change. In my work I saw the people who worked hard and had clear goals did eventually achieve what they wanted. On the other hand, I also saw people who wanted some kind of superpower to get them what they wanted ended up getting nothing.

When I came to this country I was shocked to realise that it is possible for some people who chose to do nothing in life can live in houses that hard workers can’t afford. This environmental reality of benefit has created some people who believe that benefits are the ultimate source for their living. They put all the responsibility on tax payers.

Thinking of these two examples, it has become clear in my mind that both groups need to change their way of thinking and take responsibility for their conditions. They both have access to education, health care, lifelong trainings that can qualify them for so many job opportunities. Whose responsibility is it for them to improve their situation? Clearly. It’s up to them to take all the resources that are available to them and get out of that “comfort zone” to better themselves.

I can also recall a friend of mine who enjoys doing a lot of voluntary work for the community to the extent that she runs out of energy and can’t even look after her house and family. She was telling me that it was her teenage daughters who are messing up the house and not helping with housework. But I had the courage to tell her that the situation is not going to change until she realises that she had to re order her priorities. I explained to her that it’s rewarding to do community work, but not by neglecting her family. They need to see an example of a committed carer especially that the husband is a busy medical consultant. Then, I suggested to her to reduce the days of community work from every day to three days and do the housework at least twice a week. When she tried that “prescription” her teenage daughters started getting involved and are supporting her!

That example confirms that in order for people to change their situation, they need to start by first changing themselves.

I’ve also learnt from the present introductory modules that people do live up to expectations indeed.

I have come across some learners who were resisting to try and resolve a simple problem and they kept saying “I can’t do it” At the beginning I thought it was may be laziness or lack of interest, but I was determined to see them improving; so I said to them “look I will give you this simple work and help you to do it” we did the work together and then I said” well done see you could it!” I kept doing this for a few weeks until they started working on their own at their own pace. They eventually stopped saying “I can’t do it” and started believing in themselves when somebody believed in them.

I have also known many people who are incredibly controlled by negative habits led by their unconscious mind. They seem to live a life that is spontaneously unconscious at all levels: personal, social, spiritual, financial and health wise .What I mean by spontaneously unconscious is that they don’t think about the bad results of their behaviour on their life, health or relationships. They smoke; they watch too much TV; they lose their temper over anything; they don’t exercise; don’t have communicative skills and see things only from their own perspective, completely detached from reality. On the other hand, I have also seen other people who manage to change all these bad habits that they acquired from parents, society, school, peers and environment first by realising their life was wrong and decided to make it right![/colored_box]

Learn NLP with Excellence Assured

[colored_box variation=”wheat”]Being at cause means taking control, taking the initiative, and taking responsibility for your actions and their outcomes (your future).  It means taking responsibility not for just what happens but for how you feel about it and how you react to outcomes.  Cause is about active whereas effect is about reacting, being at the mercy of events and the will of others.

The comfort zone means not taking this initiative.  The easy option is to react to events and carry on in the same was as usual.  This means not taking responsibility so you can blame others or fate when things don’t go your way.  If you want to be in control you have to take responsibility.  This is scary as the outcomes and results are down to you and you cant hide from that.  The comfort zone is the hiding zone.

I learned that I am responsible for how I interpret the world and that I can change my opportunities and my level of happiness and satisfaction by moderating how I filter and process information.  I still believe there are factors that are outside of our control and that we cannot always think ourselves happy, but I do believe in the power of positive action and positive thought.

This training is one action I am taking to put myself at cause and to take control of my future and my life.

Reflecting on certain people that I know well I can see that they are essentially unhappy because they choose to filter and interpret the world in a particular way.  They are avoiding taking responsibility and therefore avoiding putting themselves at cause.  This may be comfortable for them in the short term but I can see it is leading to long term unhappiness.[/colored_box]