The meaning of the communication is not simply what you intend, but also the response that you get. You may have heard people say something like, ‘if you do not like what i have to say then that is your problem.’ I would suggest that is not the best form of communication possible.
If two people are communicating and one is asking the other to do something, then who’s responsible for getting the message across? If they go ahead and do something that was not what you asked them to do because they had not fully understood the instruction, then who is responsible for the fact that the task did not get completed correctly?
I would like to suggest that it is you!
Take a look at the picture above. A simple request. However, the resulting action puts in doubt the effectiveness of the communication. Take a look at the picture below!
So, when you communicate, the meaning of your communication is not what you intend to say, it is the response that you get, it is the meaning that is gained by the person that you are communicating with. In future when you are communicating think about what you want, how you are going to say it and then as you are communicating observe the other person to check to make sure that they have taken the meaning from your communication that you were intending.
This is one of the Presuppositions of NLP. A presupposition is a convenient belief, an empowering belief. Many of these presuppositions were modelled from the Doctor and Hypnotist, Dr Milton Erickson. He said that the best subject that he had in hypnosis became his best subject after 300 repeated inductions. Thats 300 repeated inductions! Now he obviously had flexibility in his communication skills and also fantastic rapport in order to get the client to keep coming back for the 300 inductions!
The Philosopher, William James said in 1890 that the great revolution of his age would take place because people would learn that by making changes within themselves, they could make changes in other people around them.
Behavioural flexibility is key to effective communication skills, and so if you are communicating and you judge that your communication is not being received in the way that you had intended then change what you are saying or the way that you are saying it. Improve your results and the results in the people around you.