The NLP frames are ways of thinking. They are ways of thinking that empower you and enable you to empower others. Here are some reflections on the NLP frames.
I realised that there are so many people that are at “effect“ in their lives and that they are really not happy as a result. This is quite sad as we really do only get one shot at life. Having read the information that the mind cannot process negatives, it made me realise how many people actually speak negatively and spend alot of their time thinking negative thoughts..
I think being aware of these things and accepting that one can change is the very first step. Once I have personally mastered these things in myself I will be able to pass onto others. I also believe that repitition is the key to success. Being able to “stop“ and assess what one is thinking on a conscious level and applying the tools will help. Helping others to be aware of situations and circumstances will assist them. The awareness is also key.
People live up to our expectations, whether positive or negative (effectively a self-fulfilling prophecy). I tend to be a positive person and to assume that people I manage will perform well and deliver to the standard I have set, providing I have briefed them properly and given them the right type and amount of support to achieve it. This relates to what NLP calls ‘Perception is Projection’. What I see (perceive) in others is really a reflection of myself, something present in me which I recognise and therefore project onto the other person. The unconscious mind takes an event personally and can interpret it as referring to itself, so being positive about oneself or about others yields positive results. The converse is also true.
I have also learnt that using negative language (eg ‘don’t do that’) is unhelpful for people because the brain cannot process negatives. Instead the behaviour will be to fulfil the very thing which we told the person not to do. I think this also has positive connotations for building up people’s self-confidence and sense of self.
People are responsible for changing their behaviour. In working with internal clients, I can provide tools and processes, and create a positive environment. However, ultimately it is their responsibility to change. I also discovered that in accepting the person and changing the behaviour (another presupposition of NLP), my role is to support people who want to change.
I had come across the phrase ‘the map is not the territory’ before. However, I did not really understand what this meant. I think this means that my mental map of the world is different from the other person’s, the implication being that I need to respect their model and learn to understand it.
NLP is a ‘do with’ process, which appeals to my way of working of getting alongside people. I am good at building rapport quickly, and see a lot of my role as building clients confidence and capability to achieve. I will be applying this more consciously from now on to these relationships, now I am starting to understanding where this comes from and the key role of the unconscious mind.
The mind and body are closely linked. I had not appreciated that when coaching myself or others, my internal dialogue needs to be positive, as my body is listening in! I will be more aware of this from now in, both for myself and for others. I am aware of the power of positive thinking, but think I need to be practising it much more than I realised.
I can see where I might use NLP further in coaching clients (building on the sort of positive questions I ask anyway), but am also now considering how to use in a less formal setting, perhaps just when chatting to colleagues who want some help but haven’t necessarily asked for it explicitly).
Further thoughts on how the NLP frames can assist your thinking.
Since our unconscious mind cannot process negative thinking, this is to be avoided as it speaks for the contrary of what we want to achieve. Positive thinking is the only approach to give clear instructions to the unconscious mind that will empower other people and myself.
I have been effect for too long. I want to regain control over my life by being excellent and successful in those activities that mirror my values: teaching and coaching.
We all have different perceptions and interpretations of reality but we cannot judge others as we never know the whole story. Some are at Cause where they are more likely to find success and most of all happiness, some at Effect, it may feel like they are victims or they might never have thought that they could actuality do something about it. The comfort zone for one person can be really different for another, in coaching training we did an exercise where people would go either in the comfort, stretch or panic zone. It was very interesting to see how singing a song at a wedding/going to a silent retreat/waiting for a meeting with the boss would send different person in different zone.
One can generalise, distort or delete part of the reality to reinforce one’s belief. We kind of see what we want to see. Or we see the word through the glasses we have created for our self and each one of us is wearing different glasses some might look for positive while others negative. The internal representation negative is very true. Many of my coaching clients have a fear of failure and in there head it goes I don’t want to fail but through the process they create an environment where they are much more likely to fail (stress – panic). However they can challenge their belief as they are responsible for their thinking. “We are the results of our thought”
I will apply this knowledge by being non-judgemental and see the positive in each people, by aiming to see the world their way and create a good rapport. I will challenge them/encourage them taking into account the fine line between their stretch zone and panic zone.
I will be clear about the fact that they are responsible for the changes they want to make in their life and my role is only to give them tools and techniques to help them achieve their goals.
I will aim to raise their awareness of the connection between the mind and the body and the power of their unconscious mind. Guide them through small steps to change their reality for the one they are aiming for.
Perception is projection, in that when we meet someone, we make connections with people we have met in the past. Our perception of someone can be affected by that connection and this can result in unfair judgements of this person. An awareness of this will help us to judge people individually.
People live up to their expectations – if we think positively about someone they are more likely to live up to this and we will achieve a positive relationship with them. I have found the benefits of this way of thinking in my relationships with work colleagues, i.e. that people perform better when positive expectations are made.
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