The other inconvenient truth

The other inconvenient truth

Society doesn’t want you to believe it, your friends and family probably don’t want you to believe it, religion certainly doesn’t want you to believe it, but fortunately it is true. You can have whatever you want.

Think about when you were a child or observe any young child, you were bursting with energy, brim full of excitement, seriously curious and you believed that anything was possible for you. You would watch other people doing things and think, “I can do that.”  You would start dreaming of how things were going to be for you when you grew up, what you would make of yourself and who you would become. The sky was the limit for you.

So what went wrong? Where did that energy go? How come you lost your curiosity? What is the reason that you lowered your expectations for what you could achieve?

Has anyone ever said to you “Get real”? Has anyone ever told you that you aren’t good enough? That you are too short or too tall? That you don’t have the right background? That you don’t have enough money? That you are not clever enough? That you are “kidding yourself”?

The thing is that we are all told these things when we are young and because we know no different we believe them. These things become beliefs of ours, we hold them to be true and we pass these beliefs on to other people. They become facts for us. They have become facts of life in most societies in the world and the inconvenient truth is that they are in fact convenient excuses and lies.

Is it easier to work really really hard and become world class at what you do or become mediocre? It is easier and more convenient to become mediocre isn’t it?

Why is it convenient you may ask? Well, if I can do something and achieve it easily then that is convenient for me isn’t it? This encourages me to set targets for myself that are easily achievable.  If I do something and expect to fail, then when I fail it proves my point, makes me feel better, it is convenient for me.

How is it convenient for other people? Well, if as a child I set my sights on becoming a world class swimmer, then what does that entail for Mum and Dad? Lots of trips to the swimming baths is one thing, expense in paying for a coach may be another. Now Mum and Dad love me and so I am sure that they wouldn’t have minded…..however it is more convenient for them for me to lower my expectations.

In addition, people don’t want to see you get hurt. In their conditioned minds you can’t have what you want and so if they hear you say that you want to become an astronaut, then they may become fearful that you are going to be disappointed or hurt when you don’t achieve it.  Better to let you down gently, “that’s nice dear. Why don’t you think about becoming a bank manager instead like your dad, it’s a nice safe career” NOT!

As far as religion is concerned, you having what you want is a threat to their existence isn’t it? If you have everything that you want then why would you need the faith? Sadly this is the limited belief and thinking in some areas of religion and society.

And then we have our friends. Ah, our friends, they don’t want us to get hurt either, they have our best interests at heart but there is something within them that really would love you to have just a bit less than them, to be just a little bit less well off, to have just a slightly less perfect relationship. We are competitive beings after all.  It is convenient for them for you to have just a little bit less of everything.

So, we learn that you can’t have it all, that you should settle for second best, that you should be happy with what you have, that you should aim for the security and familiarity of the middle of the road.

That is where your curiosity and energy went. That is why you need artificial stimulants to excite you. That is why you sometimes feel stuck in a rut.

The inconvenient truth for everyone is that you can have what you want. If you have a strong enough vision, if you have the right attitude of taking responsibility for your results, if you are courageous enough not to listen to people who tell you that you can’t do something, then you will find that you can indeed do and have everything that you want.

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Realise the benefits of online training

According to the UK Commission for Employment and Skills, businesses and organisations in the UK are spending nearly £50 billion annually on training, this seems like a huge total to me, and since training is supposed to be an investment in your future, it begs the question of how much is this training actually adding in value to you as an individual and to our organisations?

The answer is more than likely to be, not as much as you think and not as much as it could be. I think that you probably realise this as being true, that may be why you are reading this article. It is not that the current trainers are any worse than in the past, it hasn’t got anything to do with the material that is being trained, it is not specific to where in the world that you live, it is to do with forgetting!

Would you pay for and take a training if you knew at outset that in one months time you would only be able to recall a tenth of what you learn on the training course? This is the sad reality of most training courses, have a look at the Ebbinghaus Curve of Forgetting in the diagram below.

Curve of forgetting

Time is our most precious resource and it seems like a great idea to dedicate a day or a week to intensive training. It gets us out of the office or out of the house, to an environment where there are fewer distractions, where we can concentrate only on training and at the end of the course we will have a brand new set of skills. This is the way that it works, right? Yes, this is the way that it works. The problem is what happens next….

We return from the training and there are a pile of tasks waiting for us to catch up on. All of a sudden we are thrust back into a hectic world of working to other people’s priorities. Everything is urgent since it needed doing yesterday, when we were training. You get the picture.

Before we know it a week has gone by and we haven’t yet had time to review the things that we learnt on our training course. In fact we haven’t had time to practice any of the new skills yet either since we have been so busy and we don’t want to try new skills until we have time to make sure that we get them right.

Another week goes by and we still haven’t had a chance to revisit our training notes. Before we know it a month has passed and if we were to think about the training now, how much of it would we remember? About 10%, the rest is forgotten.

Model of memory

They say that repetition is the mother of learning. All habits are created through repetition and rehearsal. The only way to benefit from new skills training is to leave the training and use the new skills straight away. This is simple when the training involves using a new piece of machinery or equipment. We are forced to review our training and practice our new skills in order to do our job and to function properly. It is not so straight forward when it comes to soft skills, people skills, communication skills, leadership and management skills for example.

The tendency when we are rushed, when we are busy, when we are under pressure is to use the skills that we are familiar with. So, when we come back from our training, we tend to revert to our familiar old skills as we cope with the demands of catching up on the time that we have missed. Unless we go back to the training or use the new skill immediately, then much of what we have learnt will leave us forever and we will not get a chance to integrate it into our lives.

Here is what can happen if we are able to review our training on a regular basis:

Regular reviews of learning

The gain in recall by process of repetition is remarkable. This is how to get real value from your training.

Now with this in mind, imagine the benefits of taking a training online.

We are talking here about using the full resources of modern technology, of multimedia training resources, we are talking about taking advantage of modern flexible working practices and the fact that more and more people work from home.

Online training resources such as ours are available 24/7, so you choose a time and a place to train that suits you.

Here are 7 ways to realise the benefits of online training and get great value for money from your training:

Tip 1 -  Set up regular meetings with yourself, training meetings. I recommend training in blocks of one to two hours, taking regular breaks and reviewing the material that you are learning every ten or fifteen minutes. The benefits of this are that you start a cycle of repetition to aid your recall. In addition, one hour away from your normal hectic schedule is not going to leave you with a whole list of urgent tasks to catch up on.

Tip 2 – You are learning in bite sized chunks and you can start to integrate what you have learnt straight away. Make a commitment to yourself at the end of your training meeting to implement a part of the training immediately.

Tip 3 – At the start of your next training meeting review what you learnt last time. Repetition aids recall.

TIp 4 – Online training such as ours normally comes in modules. At the end of each module take time to reflect on what you have learnt, write down your reflections. Again this will act as a review of your training and aid recall.

Tip 5 – Go through each module of training at least three times. Watch the videos, listen to the audio, read the manual at least three times in your initial training. During one of these times make copious notes, pausing the videos/audio when you need to and rewinding if necessary.

Tip 6 – Do the exercises as you go through the training material. Remember, habits are created by taking repetitive actions. Pause your training and take action to do the exercises in your training straight away.

Tip 7 – Once you have finished your course and gained your qualification, the tendency is to think that you know the material and it will be with you forever. This is true of the skills that you use regularly and at the same time we all develop bad habits. If possible make an arrangement with your training supplier to retain access to your course material so that you can make on-demand reviews of specific sections of the course and schedule a six monthly training reviews.

 

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10 ways to make sure that you get what you want

On top of the world

The possibilities for your life are endless. No matter what your current circumstances you really can leave this planet having transformed your life and having positively impacted many others. 

It is all too easy to take the belief that your life is mapped out for you and that it just will not get any better than it already is. It is easy to listen to other people telling you that you just are not cut out to be happy, live your dreams, be world class at what you do. Society has conditioned us to settle for what we have and be grateful for what we have got.

The fact is that actually the world is at your mercy, you have success and fulfillment at your fingertips. Life is what you make it and it is up to you to take it by the scruff of the neck, take the bull by the horns and make your dreams become reality. You CAN do it!

Here are 10 ways that you can start now to transform your life and get what you want:

1)  Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.

You get what you focus on. Your mind is trained by you to deliver to you what you want. If you focus on being poor and running out of money, then these are the thoughts that you are going to have swimming around your head. You are going to make mental pictures of being poor, this is going to bring about worry and you will feel unhappy and anxious. Not a great state of mind to act from.

If you focus on abundance, and success, then you will make pictures in your head of things improving in your life, of wealth and happiness, holidays etc. This will automatically make you feel great and put you in a positive state of mind, one in which you are much more likely to be successful in your actions.

2) Make sure that you believe that you can do it.

Beliefs are merely what you hold in your mind to be true. They are decisions that we make about what is true for us. They are not fact in the world but if you belief something to be true then it will become fact for you. Check your beliefs around what you want in life. Do you really think that you can do it? If not, then what would need to happen for you to change this belief?

3) Make sure that you believe that you should have it.

Many people are held back from achieving success and happiness because they do not believe that they deserve it. Well I have got news for you. You are one of the greatest people on the planet, you deserve all the happiness and success that you have coming to you. Think and act like you are worth it, be generous to others and go in search of your destiny.

4) Ask yourself the right questions.

Your actions are determined by the questions that you ask yourself, so ask yourself powerful questions. What do you need to do to be more successful? What specifically do you need to do? What resources do you need? What do you need to learn? What skills do you need to develop?

5) Notice if what you are doing isn’t working.

If what you are doing isn’t working then recognise it, have humility, and change your actions. The Law of Requisite Variety states that the person with the greatest flexibility of behaviour will end up ruling the system. Be creative and be flexible.

6) Be a giver rather than a taker, help other people progress.

If having what you want involves someone else then, do they have the right resources/skills to help you get there? If you are working in a team or managing a team, then do you need to train and develop your team in order to get your desired outcome?

7) If you have any doubts then process them but do not dwell on them.

You have probably spent most of your life programming your mind to doubt and to worry, don’t worry, we all do it! The thing is that doubt and worry do not serve you. Of course you should check the consequences of your actions to make sure that they are good for you and for other people. So, check the consequences and if they meet your approval, then drop the doubt, drop the worry and just go for it! Write a journal, a diary, write down your worries and doubts and then leave them on the page, no need to dwell on them.

8) Plan a programme of deliberate practice.

No outcome is achieved without a plan followed by action. You can achieve pretty much whatever you put your mind to, but you will need to practice. Practice your skills, hone your skills and develop the skills that you require to get your objective. Nothing was ever achieved without hard work. Practice, practice, practice.

9) Find a role model.

Do you know someone who has what you want? Find out what they did to get it. This is Modelling in NLP. Find out specifically what they had to do, both in terms of actions and in terms of thought processes in order to achieve it.

10) Don’t give up!

Most people give up on their goals at the first sign of failure. All successful people fail, what makes them successful is their ability to get up, dust themselves down and go again. Failure takes you one step closer to success and to your destiny.

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Day of destiny?

Day of Destiny

Kevin and John awoke to a beautiful blue sky, crisp and cool, they would have perfect playing conditions. Both felt a sense of excitement as they thought about the big match to come. Today was the day that the title would be decided. Nothing had been able to separate the top two teams in the division all season, they were both ten points clear of the pack with just the title decider to play today.

In fact nothing had been able to separate Kevin and John as the top scorers in the league either, both had 17 goals from the previous 17 games. Kevin and John were 11 years old and lived only a few miles apart. Both had fathers who loved football and who had encouraged their sons to kick a ball as soon as they had been able to walk. Both desperately wanted to become professional footballers when they grew up.

As Kevin contemplated the day ahead, his excitement became mixed with a sense of nervousness and apprehension, it was such a big day, his whole family would be there to support him, he hoped that he didn’t let them down.

John had no such worries, his family would be there to support him too, this just added to the excitement, he visualised scoring the winning goal and being surrounded by his fellow players, being hoisted above their heads with family and other supporters cheering them on.

As the big game approached so Kevin’s anxiety increased, John just felt a rising sense that it would be a great day.

Kevin’s first touch of the ball was a poor one, he was so nervous, so keen not to make a mistake, not to let people down.   John was feeling full of confidence, he played a few simple passes to his teammates, this just settled his nerves, he was looking forward to his first shooting opportunity.

The first real goal scoring opportunity fell to Kevin, for some reason he knew that he was going to miss, his touch deserted him and he missed. John had no goal scoring chances in the first half but he played solidly, some nice touches.

Kevin’s anxiety was matched by his coaches and the team talk at half time was frantic, his coach told them that they knew that they could play better than this, “Don’t let me down.” He said.

John felt that he had played ok in the first half, his coach told them to just stay focussed and wait for their opportunity, it would come…

And it did come, ten minutes into the second half. John took aim and fired. The ball sailed into the net. 1-0.

It was a rather one sided affair after that. Kevin missed several half chances, he was just not feeling himself today. John’s confidence grew and he scored two more goals, a hat-trick!

After the final whistle John was lifted into the air by his team mates, he was a hero, they had won the title. Kevin was subdued. He couldn’t wait to get home.

During the summer John never had a football far away from his feet. He relived his goals many times over. He couldn’t wait for the new season. Kevin didn’t touch a football all summer, he was far more interested in going fishing with his Dad. He was “good at fishing” apparently.

John went on to become a premier league footballer, people always said how “talented he was.” Kevin gave up competitive football the next season, he just lost interest in the game for some reason.

And so the footballing destiny of Kevin and John was decided.

 

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Four levels of listening – improve your listening skills

How often do you pay attention to how deeply you are listening to someone? If you want to build relationships, if you want to improve your communication skills, if you want to make more sales and definitely if you want to be a coach, then you must pay attention to and develop your listening skills.

In this video I share with you the four levels of listening, explaining what the four levels are and how you can tell at which level you are listening.

Listening to someone is a gift from you to them but only if you really listen……


Join us on an NLP course or on a coaching training course and learn more about how to develop your interpersonal skills and communication skills. You can take both NLP and Coaching training courses online with us. Certify as a professional NLP Practitioner/Master Practitioner and NLP Master Coach.

 

Four Levels of Listening

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